Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Humor in Uniform - RUM EVENINGS IN VIZAG

VIZAG MEMORIES – RUM EVENINGS IN NAVAL PARK
A Tall Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Link to my original post in my blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve : http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/humor-in-and-out-of-uniform-vizag.html

RUM EVENINGS IN VIZAG

25 years ago, in the latter part of the 1980’s, during my Vizag tenure, I lived in 17 Naval Park.

It was a well located lovely old-style house, on the ground floor, with a small lawn in front and kitchen garden at the rear.

We were mix of occupants in the 6 houses of the 3 storey building, and in the similar block of 6 houses opposite – 12 of us with varying ranks ranging from Lieutenant Commander to Commodore and from diverse ships and shore establishments (we called the common area between the two blocks “Nukkad” and would have frequent “pot luck” get-togethers there).

Those days there was “load shedding” (planned electricity power cuts) every evening from 7 to 9 (1900 – 2100 hrs in Naval Parlance).

I believe in the saying: “If life gives you a lemon – make lemonade”.

So I turned the “load shedding” into an “opportunity”.

The sun sets early on the eastern seaboard, so I would be back from my walk/swim at 1830 and would put out a table and chairs on the lawn with a bottle of Rum, 2 jugs of cold water, 6 stainless steel glasses, a packet of cigarettes, and “small eats”.

I would pour a drink of rum-pani and the moment the lights went out, I would start drinking.

At 9 PM (2100 hrs) when the lights came on, I would stop drinking and move in to watch TV and have dinner.

I was never alone – anyone and everyone was cordially invited to share my booze – and many joined in for a drink – my friends from the “Nukkad”, or even passersby, walking around to pass time during the load shedding. 

That was the reason for the 6 stainless steel glasses – which were safer in the dark too, especially for us “drunkards” groping about in the dark.

(Though otherwise I am a “thrift and frugality” type, my friends will vouch for my generosity with booze – liquor was always flowing freely in my house, and all were welcome to join in).

My “next door neighbor” was an officer posted on a survey ship.

The officer had gone on a long sailing and his parents had come over for “nanny duties” to look after the officer’s small children since the officer’s wife worked as a manager in a bank in Visakhapatnam and she had long working hours.

The officer had two small children who were looked after full-time by the grandmother – and the old man (grandfather) felt lonely without his wife in his native place and so he too had come over to Vizag to be with her.

One evening, I noticed the old man looking at me intently as I made arrangements for the evening’s drinking session.

I observed the yearning in his eyes as he looked at the bottle of Rum, so I called him over, “Sir, why don’t you join me for a drink?”

The old man readily accepted my invitation – and he accepted an offer of a cigarette too – and soon we were drinking and smoking and talking.

Within minutes, two officers from the “Nukkad” had joined us – and one of them had even brought a huge bowl of “Chicken 65” to go along with the drinks.

After some time, stimulated by the alcohol in his system, the old man started talking uninhibitedly, “I used to be a forest officer – I love my drinks and food – and look how my children turned out to be – I put both my sons in the defence services – and both turned out to be non-drinkers and non-smokers – it is a bloody disgrace – and this one in the navy – he is so bloody henpecked – as it is there is no booze in the house, and his wife has banned non-veg too – the other day I got a bottle of beer and some mutton and my daughter-in-law made a big hungama – I am really enjoying drinking with you all – and this chicken is delicious – I am having it after a long time…”

“Sir, don’t worry – you are always welcome to join us in the evenings,” I said to the old man.

We drank, we smoked, we nibbled the small eats, and we talked.

The old man was a natural raconteur and regaled us with yarns of his forest officer days – his adventures, and the shikar and barbeque parties they had.

When you are enjoying yourself, time passes fast, and suddenly the lights came on – it was 9 pm.

I poured the last round of drinks, to kill the bottle.

I noticed that the old man was in high spirits and swayed a bit as he walked home and I felt good doing my bit to make the old man happy.

On the next day too, the old man joined us promptly at 7 in the evening for our drinking session.

There was a bigger crowd, 5 of us from the “Nukkad” and the old man, and people had brought assorted snacks as small eats.

The old man was in full form and we were enjoying his tall stories.

The old man told us about the bungalow he had built back home and invited all of us to visit him there and promised us booze and barbeque.

“Hey, let’s have tomorrow evening’s session on my ship,” the officer who was commanding a ship said, “I will tell the cook to prepare some good chicken and mutton dishes – and some fish and prawns for small eats – Sir, I hope you like fish…” he asked the old man.

“Of course, I love fish – I like anything non-veg – chicken, mutton, fish, anything…” the old man said.

That evening, watching the old man swaying happily on his way home, I realized that he was in even higher spirits than the previous evening.

Next day, when I came home in the afternoon for my lunch break, my wife said: “Mrs“X” was here this morning on her way to work.”

(You guessed right – Mrs “X” was my next door neighbour’s wife – the bank manager – the old man’s daughter-in-law).

“So, why was she here?” I asked.

“She told me that you were spoiling her father-in-law,” my wife said.

“Spoiling her father-in-law? What nonsense? The old man is double my age. How the hell can I spoil him?” I said.

My wife looked at me and said: “Mrs “X” was very rude. She said that you were already a drunkard, a kabaabi and sharaabi. And now you were making her father-in-law a drunkard. She has asked me to tell you not to call her father-in-law for drinks…”

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

ALL FOOLS DAY

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

HOW I WAS MADE AN “APRIL FOOL”
Delightful Memories of My Navy Life
By
VIKRAM KARVE

01 April 1983.

It was 10 AM (1000 Hrs in Navy Parlance) and I busy with my research work in IIT Delhi.

It was the last (4th) semester of my 2 year M.Tech. Course and I was busy with my dissertation work.

My ex-shipmate entered the Tropo Lab.

He was also doing M. Tech. at IIT Delhi, but in a different specialization.

He said excitedly: “Hey, congratulations – your appointment has come – you will be going to IAT Pune after your M. Tech.”

I was very happy and much excited to hear this.

Pune is my hometown, and I had never expected a posting to Pune in my naval career, as I thought that, except for a few billets at NDA, there were hardly any billets for naval officers in Pune, especially for technical officers.

In fact, I was worried that they may transfer me back to INS Valsura Jamnagar (where I had spent less than one year (1980-81) on instructional duties before escaping from there as I was selected for my M. Tech. at IIT Delhi) and I had no desire of going back to that godforsaken place again.

“You don’t seem to be happy?” my friend said.

“I am very happy,” I said, “but how do you know about my appointment?”

“I had gone to INS India for some work. I saw your name in a NA List over there. I have just come from there and I came straight here to tell you the good news.”

“Has your appointment letter come too?”

“No – I saw only your name in the NA list. Why don’t you go down to NHQ and get your appointment letter?” he prompted.

As I said, I was really delighted to be transferred to Pune, my hometown, so I immediately drove down on my scooter to NHQ.

First, I went to INS India Supply Office and checked the NA List folder.

Yes, my name was there, at Serial No. 12 of the list of 20 names, and it said that I was appointed on instructional duties to IAT Pune July DTBR.

I wrote down the relevant details of the NA list, went to the Supply Officer and asked him if my appointment letter had come.

He called for the NA List folder, looked at the NA List, and said, “This NA list has just been issued. It will take some time for the letter to reach here. They take their own sweet time to dispatch the letters. Why don’t you go across to DOP and get your personal copy?”

Those days we were very scared to go anywhere near DOP because they were always on the prowl looking for “murgas” to transfer to “kala pani” and other such remote places.

But I was so excited that I drew up courage and walked into the office of the DDOP who looked after our appointments.

I was delighted to see an officer who I knew very well sitting in the chair of DDOP – he was a course-mate of my previous ship’s XO.

He used to visit our ship often and we had spent many evenings drinking together.

He too was happy to see me.

He told me that he had just taken over as DDOP a day earlier on 31 March.

He enquired about me, about my M. Tech. course, and then he asked me what I wanted.

I told him the story, gave him details of the NA List, and asked if I could have a copy of my appointment letter.

He called his deputy, handed him the chit with NA List details, and told him to give me a copy of my appointment letter.

The officer looked at the NA list, seemed confused, and said, “Sir, we haven’t yet issued any appointment letters for officers doing M. Tech. – anyway I will just check.”

After a few minutes he came back and said, “The NA list with this number has still not been issued.”

“What? How can that be?” the DDOP said.

Then the DDOP looked at me and said, “Are you sure you saw the NA list in the supply office?”

“Yes,” I said, “it is right on top in the NA list folder in the base supply office.”

The DDOP picked up the phone and dialed a number – he seemed to be speaking to the Base Supply Officer. He read out the number of the NA list – then waited for some time – then listened to the voice on the other side, and then he said to me, “Just go down to the Supply Office and get the NA list folder – I want to get to the bottom of this.”

As I was leaving, I could hear him speak on the phone, “I am sending the officer to you…”

The moment I reached the hutments where the supply office was located I found a big gang of my friends waiting outside for me with broad smiles on their faces – among them was the Captain of my previous ship (now a Commodore posted in NHQ) and it was he who had orchestrated the whole practical joke.

I knew I had been made an “April Fool”.

That afternoon I had to treat everyone to a PLD in the INS India wardroom – and the DDOP and Supply Officer (who were also parties to the prank) also joined in.

EPILOGUE

During the PLD I put on a mask of cheerfulness, but deep inside I was feeling terrible.

I think the Commodore (my ex ship’s CO) and the DDOP noticed this, so they asked me for my choice of transfer on completion of my M. Tech.

“IAT Pune,” I said tongue-in-cheek, “but if that is not possible then anywhere except Jamnagar.”

Three months later I was transferred to a billet in Delhi.

Two years later, in June 1985, one day, out of the blue, I saw an appointment letter placed on my table.

I had been appointed for instructional duties to IAT Pune July DTBR.

Was it as a recompense from the DDOP and my ex ship’s CO and all those who had played the “April Fool” joke on me?

All is well that ends well.

HAPPY ALL FOOLS DAY

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.